Updated: Sep 23
Happy Summer my dear friend Where has the time gone? I've just been over here staying busy and working on things 7 days a week and I look up and it's almost July! Can you ever relate to this? I think there is a saying somewhere that "next week I will be less busy" lol But when you are going through a transition, sometimes choosing to focus on the here and now can be challenging. One minute you are thinking about the past and then the next you are focused on the future. Hardly ever do we find that we are looking at the now. Just sit back for a second and think about the last time you were going through a transition. I'm sure so many of us can relate to this right now as the world is slowly transitioning out of the pandemic frame of mind. How did you feel? What did you focus on? Did you find yourself trying to hold on to something? And even if that something wasn't particularly good for you, did you hold on because it was comfortable? This can be the case as we evolve. And depending on if you are stubborn like me, it can be with any type of evolution: weight loss, moving, changing jobs, changing careers, transitions in a relationship, growth in your family and friends circle, decrease in your family and friends circle, learning and taking on new habits, etc. So what is the key to transitioning with ease? How do we smoothly go with the flow and not let transitions make us feel stuck?
No, seriously. Yes, it is helpful to look back to help you make better decisions. Yes, it is helpful to look towards the future at any goals you may have. But the key to a smooth transition is allowing yourself to show up and look at today - Right Now! Notice. Listen. Observe. Breaaatthheeee. So many of us move from thing to thing to thing without stopping to look up and observe how they feel. Or ask themselves "what would best serve me"? So, stop for a minute. Right now... close your eyes and see how you feel. We all have a gut feeling (intuition) for a reason. It is meant to guide us.
This is a follow-up to #1. Showing up to meditate every single day for even just 5-10 TRAINS our body, our minds, our autonomic nervous system to not stress! Yes, I said it. No stress. When we practice the art of meditation on a regular basis, your body is trained to respond as necessary and pause when necessary to the unexpected things that come up. In addition, we are less likely to feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, angry, or act in ways that well, aren't so nice to others.
Hey - if you don't meditate often, I'm guilty of this too. I am training to get my 500-hr yoga teacher training certificate right now and STILL don't meditate as often as I should. But we are all human. The best we can do is show up and acknowledge and then try to do better. This leads to my next point.
#3 Come as you are
So often we think we have to have superhuman powers all the time. At this age, we should be here. I should look like this. I should be here. I should eat this. I should. I should. I should. And in transitions, when things are unbalanced and you are sitting on your see-saw of life, you probably should all over yourself. That long list of should's that sits on your shoulder and haunts you until you get it done. Do you know what I say to that?
"You don't have to do shit today" Period. Come as you. Do what you can. And enjoy the process. Now Amber, you said enjoy... if the transition you are dealing with is a really crappy one, how am I to tell you to enjoy it?? Because for every bad thing that happens to you, there is something on the other side that is happening FOR you. Just so you know, I can relate to you... 2020 was the worst year of my 35 years here. My father was killed, I was forced to move, lost my home, my job, my relationship, my dog. Everything was flipped upside down. But you know what? Everything that happened, albeit shitty, allowed me to look within myself and find a strength I never knew I had. It stirred a fire within me. I gained my life back! It inspired me to truly live and raise my standards on what I thought life was supposed to be. Within that year, yes I had moments where I didn't want to get out of bed. I had weeks where I would just cry. It's in those moments though that we "come as we are". We allow ourselves to grieve, or cry, or laugh, or get angry, or whatever. We allow ourselves to process the now, where we are, so we can move forward. Give yourself the permission to get rid of your damn should list and know that where you are is good enough!
You are enough!
#4 Journal / Goal-setting
Journal, goal setting, whatever you want to call it. As much as we like to "Come as you are" we cannot "stay where we are". Yes, let's take the time we need to heal and care for our mental, spiritual and physical well-being, but life does continue. One thing I like to do is in my moments of inspiration is to start planning for the future which gives me motivation, hope, peace, and knowing that my future is brighter than the past I'm leaving behind. So I use journals and planners. I take notes on my phone when I get really good ideas. I use those moments to really build up good solid S.M.A.R.T goals to use as I continue to evolve. If you've never heard of S.M.A.R.T goals, it means: S - Specific M - Measurable A - Attainable R - Relevant T - Timely As you are transitioning in your life, what are some Specific goals you'd like to focus on building as part of your new life? Are these goals Measurable? e.g. Lose 10 pounds in two months, Apply to 3 jobs a week, Go on 4 dates this month.
Are they actually Attainable? Are your goals too large to where you are setting yourself up for failure before you even begin? Are your goals Relevant? What's the purpose of your goals and do they help you get to where you'd actually like to be? Are your goals Timely? Have you set a time limit on achieving these goals or do you leave the window open for "whatever happens, happens"?
#5 Let it go
#4 was a great segway to this... Let It Go... The things that no longer serve you need to be released. The parts of you that hold on soooo tight but you know hinder you from growing and being happy. Change is hard. Period. There is no sugar coating it. However, with an inspired future to look toward, it makes it easier to see how the brain tries to "protect you" by holding onto parts of you from your past. Plus when we refuse to let things go, we end up creating stress in the body. Stress is one of the main factors that affect our health and when our health is crap, so are our decisions during times of transition.
#6 Learn to ask for help
How often do you ask for help? When I was going through my transitions, I decided it was the right time for me to hire a therapist and a coach. My time with them was invaluable for my evolution and growth. Even though I myself am a coach, sometimes there are things we cannot see within ourselves until others are there to point the way. You can learn to ask for help from anyone. Well, not anyone.... I wouldn't ask for advice or help from the guy you don't know working at McDonald's lol. But learn to rely on family, friends, trusted colleagues, God, the Universe (or whatever your spirituality is). Get help from people you aspire to be, people you respect, and people who will help lift you up; not the ones who will keep you low and trudging through the mud. Yes, sometimes there are times when being around those that keep us low can be comforting. It can make us feel like we aren't the only ones or that it's okay to be unhappy because misery loves company. But don't you want better? Don't you want to raise your standards and know that you are greater than having a mundane life? Don't you want to surround yourself with people who will 100% support you, love you, pick you up, and motivate you to be your best, happiest, healthiest self? Learn to push through the discomfort, the ego, and ALLOW others to help you. The burden of you carrying the entire world on your shoulder is pretty heavy, isn't it? ________________________________________________________ All of that being said, I wish you luck in any and all of you life transitions that you experience. May you live your life with purpose, passion, and joy. Have Courage, my Friends!
In Health & Wellness,